Remembering You
by wildfores
Summary: Tegan and Sara love each other, but what happens when they are pulled apart? Quincest. This fic is based on a song that will be revealed in the last chapter.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter I

**A/N **I had this idea today and decided to write it. I planned on it to be just one long chapter but I've split it up to shorter ones. At this point I don't think it'll be too long and so I'll probably update more often until it's finished. This fic is based on a song, which I'll tell you later or it'll spoil it. Enjoy :)

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Two bodies hit the wall as the apartment door slammed shut. Hand roamed about while tongue battles went on. One backed the other up to the edge of the bed before gently pushing her down. Soon clothes were pulled off and thrown on the ground as the heated moment continued. The younger one shifted down and spread the legs in front of her wide, staring at the glistening sight in front of her. She moved in closer and started kissing and biting the insides of the strong thighs next to her.

"Sara," Tegan breathed out, "please," desperately begging for the teasing to stop. Without hesitation Sara dove in and completely devoured her. She slid her tongue up then gave the button a flick, pulling countless moans from her older twin. She slipped her tongue in as deep as she could while wrapping her arms around Tegan's thighs, pulling her closer. She could tell Tegan was close and moved her hand to rub her clit and looked up at her sister, keeping her steady pace. She pulled out and attached her mouth to her clit. Tegan arched her back in pure pleasure while Sara lapped up all the sweetness she could before moving back up. They shared a passionate kiss before falling asleep in each other's arms.

The next morning Tegan woke up to the smell of coffee and turned around knowing that Sara would be there with a cup of her favourite drink, and she was, still not knowing her twin was awake. Tegan took this peaceful moment to admire her, thinking about how lucky she was to have such a perfect partner. They may be twin sisters but in their minds they are soul mates. They've been together since they were 6 years, since they were 18. They had kept their relationship a secret because they knew what the world would think and wanted to pursue their musc career. Over the years only their closest friends, Jeremy and Emy have known of it. She finally got up and walked over to her sister, standing by the window looking out. She snaked her arms around Sara's waist, "Morning Sasa," she whispered.

Sara turned around in Tegan's arms, "Good morning to you too."

Sara rested her head on Tegan's shoulders and leaned into her. They both stood there in silence thinking the same thing; that they would have to be apart and pretend that they were nothing more than sisters in only a few hours. They were putting on their last show of the tour, which they purposely planned so that they could celebrate Valentines Day together in the privacy of Tegan's place in Vancouver.

"I don't wanna leave this room Tee."

"I know Sare, me too. But one more show, then we can go home and it will be like this every single day," Tegan said holding her sister even tighter.

"I love you Tegan," Sara looked up to her sister and gave her the sweetest kiss.

"I love you too."


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter II

**A/N **I think there will be one more chapter posted tomorrow. Hope you guys enjoy :) and don't hate me

They show went well and everyone soon found themselves at the airport saying goodbye to their band members and crew. Tegan and Sara board their plane both smiling at the fact that in a few hours, they will be home with each other and nothing to worry about. They can finally fully have each other. Their planes land and they at last arrive home at Tegan's apartment. Both of them are clearly exhausted and leave the unpacking for later. Changed into pajamas, in two minutes they've fallen asleep, happy, in each other's arms.

The next morning, more like afternoon, after breakfast, showers and unpacking, they went for a walk. As they walked around finding a place to eat lunch, Tegan searched for a nice restaurant to take Sara to on Valentines Day. On the walk back home after a delicious, meal, Tegan finally decided on a small, elegant and closed off restaurant, so that they won't be too visible to the public allowing them to be more intimate.

They got back home and chose to spend the day relaxing with each other.

"Dog Whisperer?" Tegan asked already knowing the answer.

"Duh," Sara chuckled but is pleased that her sister knows her that well.

After a couple of episodes, a movies and some Chinese Takeaway, Sara grabbed a bottle of wine and poured two glasses before bringing them back to the couch. Soon enough they both felt the effects of the good wine and were all over each other. "Bedroom?" Sara hears Tegan's husky voice in her ears and quickly nodded. They hit the bed and Tegan straddled Sara taking control this time. She leaned in placing help lips on Sara's and ran her tongue along her upper lip asking for permission that was quickly granted. Tegan slowly started grinding against Sara and moved to unbutton her pants and take her shirt off, with Sara following her lead. Tegan shifted back into her previous position, except this time placing her leg in between Sara's. Both hips moved to gain more friction and because of the alcoholic effects, the both didn't last very long. Tegan ravished Sara's neck with her teeth sucking harder and the moans got louder. It wasn't long before both of them came with Tegan biting down on Sara's shoulder while Sara tore at her sister's back. After they both came down from the high, they settled into each other sighing.

"Tomorrow's Valentines Day Tee," Sara said softly wondering if her older twin had planned anything.

"Oh I know Sare, and I've been planning for a long time. I want to show you how much I love you and that no matter what comes in our way, I'll always try my best and we'll always be together," Tegan told her truthfully. Previously she had made reservations and bought all the things needed to make the day special. She had asked Jeremy to do her a favour and drive a beautiful town car to take Sara to the restaurant, bought flowers, and most important of all, the perfect diamond ring. She wanted to ask Sara, the love of her live and the one who has taken her heart, to marry her. They would have a private wedding, they would make it work. All that matters is that Sara knew how much Tegan loved her.

The following day Sara woke up in an empty bed, which made her happy. However waking up in an empty apartment didn't. Tegan left a note on the counter saying that she'd left to prepare and told Sara to dress well for dinner. This made Sara feel better, but then she realized that she still had to find something to do during the day. Tegan on the other hand was at Jeremy's house preparing everything, well more like herself. Walking back and forth across his living room she tried to calm herself down.

"Tegan, relax. She loves you and you know it. She's gonna say yes and everything's gonna go well," Jeremy tried to get her to at least sit down and stop pacing.

"I know, I know, but… but what if it doesn't!?" Tegan stressed as she started to ramble on and on about all the things that could go wrong. "What if I mess up, or I fall or do something stupid, or get tongue tied, or what if she doesn't like it, or-"

"Tegan! For goodness sakes shut up. You are going to be fine," Jeremy said slowly making sure that Tegan understood. "Now stop freaking out and practice what you're going to say."

Although with her brain going crazy, she finally calmed down enough to practice and to convince herself that everything will be fine. Before long, Jeremy leaves to pick up Sara while Tegan waited at his house. He told her to wait for his text before heading over to the restaurant to meet Sara at the door, since the restaurant is walking distance from the house.

Half an hour passed with no text and Tegan started to worry. She became antsy and decided to turn the TV on in hopes of it being a distraction. With nothing interesting on she switched to the news.

_Breaking News: -causing a four-car pile up with massive damage to surrounding areas. The drivers and passengers are feared dead and are definitely in dangerous situations. The cause of all this was a drunk driver who sped past a red light causing all four cars to crash. Right now we are waiting for reports on the damage._

Tegan heard the news and thought it was any other car crash but when the video came up, she recognized the area. She passed it every time she came to Jeremy's house. Fear hit her like a freight train and she couldn't focus on anything. She stared at the TV screen and willed more reports to come in. Another video came up this time giving her a closer view of the scene. Her worst fears came true as she saw the black and grey town car completely crushed.

_The first reports have come in. The drunk driver in the Honda Accord was pronounced dead on site with no passengers in his car. There were two people in the town car, the driver is currently being rushed to the hospital in critical state, but unfortunately the passenger has not been so lucky. Not all the information has been released however it is known that in total at least three people have died, two male and one female. The others are in critical condition and are now on their way to St. Vincent's Hospital while the police do their best to clean up. _


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter III

**A/N **Final chapter. Again don't hate me. but hope you like it :) It's based on the song If You Could See Me Now but The Script.

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A lonely figure walked through the quiet area and came to a halt and a decorated stone with _Sara Keirsten Quin _engraved on it. Even 5 years later, the pain of having the one you love ripped from your life never left her. Tegan knelt down and replaced the flowers, taking the old ones out.

"Hey Sare," she whispered, "I miss you."

She stayed in silence as the tears broke from her eyes. Never has she been able to stop them each time she visited her identical twin. She stood up and kissed the stone, "I love you Sasa." She walked back to her car and used everything she had to refrain from breaking down. Usually she would sit down and talk to her, but not today. Yesterday was Valentines Day and she made up some stupid excuse so that she wouldn't have to spend the day with her girlfriend, Lindsey. That day was Sara's day. It took her years to be able to move on from her sister's death, but even then, she was never the same person. Her mum Sonia and best friend Jeremy did everything they could to stop her from taking her own life just to be with Sara. She would spend days, even weeks, locked in her bedroom with Jeremy putting food outside her door to stop her from starving. Jeremy did everything he could possible do for her. He let her stay at his house, he cooked for her, bought her anything she wanted and more. He knew that he could have died, maybe if he had died instead of Sara, Tegan wouldn't be in the state she is in now. She would cry, and cry, and cry. The crying never stopped. She would drown herself in alcohol just so that she could pass out and forget the loss she had even just for a little while. But then her sleep was also troubled and short.

But she bounced back. With tremendous help from her closest friends and family, she finally left her house and slowly, but surely, started to live like a normal human being. Once she could live independently again, she started to write. Tegan wrote so many songs for Sara, about loss, hurt and heartbreak. The ones about love were disguised and dedicated to Lindsey.

At first Tegan told herself that she would never date anybody else because her heart belonged to Sara. But then she met Lindsey. Lindsey may not be Sara, but she made Tegan happy, even for a little while. Everyone encouraged their relationship to go further and even though hesitant, she finally agreed. Apart from her, only Jeremy and Emy knew that Lindsey was just a distraction, not a replacement. No one could ever replace Sara. At first she thought that dating Lindsey was outrageous and even now she is still unsure about it. But she had to pretend to be happy with her because she decided to continue her music career. She changed her performance style, making everything different so that it wouldn't remind her of Sara each time she played live. She played alone, but she played for Sara.

Tegan turned the key in the ignition bringing the car to life. She put on the radio and sat there for a moment taking a breath. _Next up, by The Script is 'If You Could See Me Now.' _Oh God. She knew this song. This song that described her life so perfectly, each time tearing her already shredded heart into even smaller pieces. But she left it to play thinking that she was the one to blame, and in some twisted way, feeling that she deserved to feel the pain and the hurt. She was the one who made Sara get in that car. She heard to intro music and gripped the steering wheel.

_It was February fourteen, Valentine's Day_

That one day. Valentine's Day was supposed to be special. The day she was going propose. The day that everything in her life came crashing down on her, completely and utterly destroying her.

_The roses came, but they took you away_

She had prepared everything for Sara, the ring, the champagne, dinner, the flowers in her hand, ready to give to her beloved girlfriend. But no. The world took Sara away without giving her a change to even say goodbye. To tell her, **show **her how much she loved her.

_Tattooed on my arm is a charm to disarm all the harm_

Barely a week after the accident, Tegan went to do something in remembrance of her sister. To always remind her of the love that they shared together. A tiger to symbolize the power of their love and the fact that they would have fought through everything to stay together. Along with that, a silhouette of her and her twin with the words Justify My Love tattooed across her upper arm.

_Gotta keep myself calm but the truth is you're gone,_

_And I'll never get to show you these songs_

She wrote. She wrote as much as she could. She wrote for Sara. She may be gone, but every show she puts on, she does for Sara. Sara may never get to see her songs and add her own parts in them, but the least Tegan could do is belt her heart out for her.

Tears now streaming down her face, Tegan let go of the steering wheel and lifted her knees up, curling herself into a ball.

_And there are days when I'm losing my faith_

So many times she had wanted to give up. To just stop life, stop music, stop any interaction with any human being, or even take her own life. Maybe then she could see Sara again. Maybe she could be happy.

_He'd say music was the home for your pain_

_And explain, I was young, he would say_

_"Take that rage, put it on a page_

_Take the page to the stage_

_Blow the roof off the place"_

_I'm tryna make you proud,_

_Do everything you did_

But instead she kept going. Everything she did was for her. Everything she wrote was dedicated to Sara. She took all her emotions, all the pain, the agony, everything, and spilled it out onto paper for the world to know. She wanted it to be known that Sara was the greatest person who had ever lived. Tegan lived for Sara. Maybe she was watching from above. Tegan lived to make her proud.

_I still look for your face in the crowd_

_Oh if you could see me now_

Sometimes, when life becomes exceptionally harder, she would pretend that Sara was in the crowd watching her. She wanted Sara to be looking at her, looking at how far she had come. How much she had done for her twin. How far she had made it. At times, it kept her sane, imagining Sara right there with her.

_Would you stand in disgrace or take a bow_

But no matter how hard she tried to fully recover, unending questions would never leave her mind. 'Would you be proud of me? Would you be mad for moving on without you? What about Lindsey? I'm sorry about her, but she'll never mean as much to me as you did. Would you be happy for me, or look at me with disgust?'

_Oh if you could see me now_

_(Oh if you could see me now)_

Now sobbing uncontrollably, unable to turn to radio off, Tegan thought even more about Sara, life, everything.

_If you could see me now would you recognise me_

_Would you pat me on the back or would you criticize me_

More questions filled her mind as the song continued on. 'Would you approve of the person I've become? Is this ok? Have I done anything wrong? Did I do you any right?

_Would you follow every line on my tear stained face_

_Put your hand on a heart that's was cold_

_As the day you were taken away_

She thought to herself, slowly killing her from the inside out, 'I'm sorry Sara. I'm sorry for moving on. I promise I love you. You will always be first. I hope you aren't hurting the way I did on that day.

_You used to say I won't know I will until it cost me_

_Like I won't know real love till I've loved then I've lost it_

I'm sorry if I didn't give you enough, that sometimes we fought, that we weren't able to bring our relationship to the public.' Tegan wanted to shout her love across the universe declaring that they were the best couple. They were invincible.

_So if you get a second to look down at me now_

Tegan sobbed hysterically begging Sara to come back, knowing that she never would.

_Would you call me a saint or a sinner?_

_Would you love me a loser or winner?_

Tegan pleaded for some sort of answer, "Sara tell me if I did you well. Tell me if you still love me. Please.."

_When I see my face in the mirror_

_We look so alike that it makes me shiver_

Tegan opened her eyes at these lyrics, immediately regretting her actions as she saw her reflection in the steering wheel. The image of Sara crept back into her mind as her crying continued. Her mind flashed back to all the intimate moments they shared. The first time they kissed, the first time they made love, the first time they declared their love for each other.

_Oh, If you could see, you could see me now..._

As the song ended, she stopped shaking. Relief flooded over her as she was once again in peace. She sighed, but the tears continued flowing, never ending. In the silence she was reminded of how far she had gotten since the accident. Sara would always be in her mind. Maybe one day she would be able to be happy. But for now, all Tegan could do was live for Sara.


End file.
